Poke My Eyes Out Please

There are some things that should never ever be revisited in my opinion.   Some things that make my skin crawl at the memory of “going there.”  For example; mom jeans.I cannot believe that fashion designers thought this was a look that deserved to be seen again.  I cringed  when I saw them reappear in stores in 2016.  When they were introduced originally,  I’m not sure if it was comfort, or just a sudden need to change things up in the 1980’s , but I have never thought they were flattering to anyone.  A rounded, high-waisted, pot belly container with puckered front pockets, encased us and fell to a tapered leg.  When they first arrived on the scene, I actually combined those with “Earth Shoes”.. the anti -heeled shoe that encouraged a bizarre duck-walk, (supposedly good for the spine), and thus,  a fashion sex repellent was invented.

I also remember wearing, pale violet, high waisted, corduroy “elephant pants”, which were tight up to the bust line and then fell straight to a really wide leg, and at my height of 5’4”, I was a walking drawing of a rectangle.  Carefully making my way through the hallways in High School, with a really wide gait, to prevent the legs wrapping around me and depositing me on the ground like a freshly stuffed Burrito. I secretly knew this wasn’t my best fashion moment.

It takes wisdom and a developed eye to see the whole picture when you look into a mirror.  When I was younger I saw the clothes only ,and not the whole package.  In those days we didn’t have cell phones with instant cameras and, if we owned a Polaroid , the film was so expensive we took photos of our friends on special occasions.  Rarely photos of ourselves.  

I don’t want to be biased here because  men were not exempt from bad fashion ideas either. 

I do not miss the “Kiss” boot or platformed high heel shoe for men.  The chunky Frankenstein shoe that transformed a man’s gait into that of an Andalusian Dancing horse should have been designated for rock bands on stage only and not boys in Highschool trying to be cool.  NO one could be David Bowie except David Bowie.  I remember going on a date with a boy who took me to the movies and when he parked the car he changed out of his sneakers and put on a bright red pair of platforms to go into the Theatre.  I was horrified.  (He, of course, couldn’t drive in them because they were four- inches high. )  When we walked in the building he was greeted by a giant, grand, staircase down to the cinemas.  He bravely took the first step, tripped up, and, with his wobbly legs, ran full speed, flailing, completely out of control down the stair case, nailing the landing only by flipping onto his knees and bowing at a passing couple. 

Needless to say, that was the last date because I could not stop laughing.  We can be so heartless at that age. 

I think I have a much more compassionate outlook these days.  I try not to laugh when I see a young man whose pants hang belong bum level with the crotch sweeping the pavement as they shuffle along.    It’s not my thing but I get the need to feel cutting edge, especially when you are young, even if it looks like you are carrying a full load in your pants. 

There should always be creativity in fashion and I am definitely drawn to that.  I love seeing vintage combined with futuristic looks.  Currently, I love a classic little black dress, designed by Maggie London, which is form fitting and has an illusion collar.  It’s beautiful.  I love a parachute skirt with a corset waist combined with  a white blouse, combat boots and a leather jacket.  I love some of the Steampunk and Victorian jackets that you can find in Goth Stores. 

I love a good pair of jeans with a rock and roll tee-shirt.

But please  burn the mom jeans, elephant pants and Frankenstein boots because they make me want to literally poke my own eyes out.

As an aside, there are some extremely tall, thin, women who look fabulous in an elephant pant. I am super jealous.

Have a great day!