I’m getting ready to go to England.  I’m soooo excited to return to the city and country I adore.  I used to have to sit on my suitcase to get it closed  prior to going on a trip. 

So, these days, my packing is done with a much more critical eye.  I want to look good in London, but I want to bring back some great finds, especially from Camden Market which is where I’m starting my trip.

The last time I visited I did a very foolish thing.  I brought along all of my favorite fashion finds so I could display myself in top form, but I forgot that I would buy some amazing outfits, shoes, boots and I had no room left in my suitcase.  I had to borrow another from my friend and it cost me over $100.00 for an extra checked bag on the return trip!!!!  What a loser!

So, this time I am doing it properly.  Three weeks ago, I  started packing my bag.  I  filled my giant suitcase and every day I took a look and envisioned myself wearing what I  packed.  Each day I removed an item that I know will never see the light of day.  I know that tee-shirts and jeans are essential and I’m going to wear a leather motorcycle jacket on the plane.  I’m going to pack my vintage faux leopard swing coat that is very thin so I’m rolling it up to take up a tiny amount of space.  That’s it for jackets.  I bringing a couple of jumpsuits because they are easy and stylish. I’m bringing along one piece of slightly decadent clothing… a floral vintage inspired 1920’s style kimono with fake fur cuffs…. I can’t help it because it can be worn with so many things to spice things up.  A couple of sheer black tops to cover flabby arms, one skirt, one loose and one tight fitting dress and a pair of silk pajamas.  I’m also packing black tights, which are always an essential, and my black and white converse, a pair of sandals, and a pair of platform runners.
That should suffice for two weeks in England. 

I know it sounds like a lot, but, when you see the amount of room left in my suitcase, it’s pretty great.  I roll my clothes to keep them from wrinkling and take up as little amount of space possible, plus, I will need space for shampoo, conditioner, and all of my makeup.

Crap… guess I need another bag.

It’s expensive to buy things in the UK because the Pound is at least double the Canadian dollar. Eight hundred dollars Canadian will get me 400 Pounds. That’s why I bring along all of my makeup and hair products.

I’m wearing something super comfortable on the plane.  When I was younger, I used to dress up,  but these days, jeans and a tee-shirt, converse and a leather jacket will do.  Why would I make the effort to dress up when I’ll be surrounded by sweat- pants wearing, stinky, farting, snoring … well you get the picture.  When my parents were younger, everyone would get dressed up to fly.  The planes were much larger, like a DC10, and some of them had a lounge upstairs.  Those were the days where they still allowed smoking on airplanes.  It sounds so decadent and fun.  AND all the drinks were free. You can’t get free drinks anymore and the food hasn’t improved in years.  I’ll be taking my own snacks along and some water so I don’t get peckish.  I can’t eat the airplane food.  It literally makes me gag. 

Here’s the other thing, I’ve toyed with the idea of wearing a surgical mask , but my husband said I should not,  because I will look like a leper.  I don’t really see that as a deterrent, because the perfect result would be that everyone avoided me, which is what I prefer when I travel.  I almost always get sick after flying because I am sealed in with coughers and hackers and pukers in a flying sardine can.  It’s really hard not to catch something.

That’s why I’m considering the mask…for my protection… not for everyone else’s.

My husband, however, said that people that wear masks are contagious and they are only thinking of others.  I call bullshit.  There must be some germa-phobes who are creeped out by the closeness of all those floating viruses on a six hour flight. 

Either way I’m on the fence.  I don’t like the mask because its sweaty and uncomfortable and I know that I’d probably rip it off half way through …and that would really freak out whoever is stuck sitting beside me. 

I guess I’ll take my chances and pump myself up with vitamins before I leave. 

I always try for an aisle seat.  I don’t care about looking out a window.  I care about getting to the washroom.  That is it.  I hate having to climb over other people especially if my bladder is in full flush mode.  There are times that I will go and hit the loo and by the time I get back to my seat I’m ready to go again… hold it for an hour… and repeat.  It’s so irritating. 

My husband told me a horrible story about a man in a suit who was sitting a couple of seats ahead of him.  All of a sudden the man jumped up and starting running down the isle towards the washroom whilst leaving a trail of diarrhea.  All of a sudden, that section of the  plane was engulfed in a rotting stench.  He said it was like someone plopped a loaded diaper on his head for the remainder of the trip.  The flight staff went into high gear closing off a curtain at the front of the plane and reappearing in Hazmat suits and rubber gloves with buckets and solvents.

The went to work on the trail… and eventually the poor man reappeared, wearing a pair of snug grey sweat pants with his suit jacket.  The humiliation and embarrassment must have been excruciating for the poor guy. 

Hearing this story has always made it essential for me to get that isle seat…. But for the grace of god…etc……

So, I have less than a week before I depart.  Fingers crossed this journey will be as painless as possible and my mate Val will be eagerly awaiting my arrival at Heathrow.  We will drink.

Have a great day my wonderful followers!  My next blog will be from London with love.

2 Replies to “The Mask of Horror”

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